There's a feeling that comes from inside our bodies, a raw palpable uncomfortable feeling that contains our truth. In my body it lies directly below my stomach in my solar plexus. A deep yellow pulsing of authenticity. A knot of knowing, a voice shouting "listen to me! please my darling, I am your truth!"
My relationship with this knowing is complicated. The sensation that something is (k)not right, that my divine guidance is trying to help me is a sensation that I have spent a long time shoving down, eating over, sleeping through.
This inner thunder of truth, though, isn't interested in going away. She won't be ignored. She may be shusshed for a moment or two (shhhhhhhhhh), drunk on the distraction of wine and food, sex and pleasure, or mindless multimedia binges. The quiet does come again and she is right there whispering in my ear, torching brightly through my body, giving me the gift of her wisdom and love.
Living the truth that we feel deep inside is one of the greatest challenges of living a spiritual life. It is the hardest part of walking the path, so much harder than a yoga pose, a long meditation, a million chatarungas.
As a teacher, a student, a human being on this planet at this time, I am learning to listen. To claim what is best for me, not for anyone else. To hear the rumble from within and know that it is my love, being true to me.