Fact: there are people who don’t like me. You may be thinking that this fact is shocking- but it’s true. Some people think rather negative things about me. Perhaps they think I’m fake, weird, woo-woo, fat, unstylish, freaky and maybe a whole bunch of other awful adjectives. Just this past week someone called me a liar and manipulator behind my back AND to my face just for fun. Ohhhh, snap.
It used to cause me a great deal of pain to not be liked. There was nothing I wanted more than for everyone to think that I was the best thing since grilled cheese. I wanted to control how everyone felt about me, even if that came at a great cost to the truth of who I am. I felt completely and totally invested in their opinions of me, even the people who I didn’t really like or respect. I wanted everyone to see that I was worthy, that I was good, that I was enough.
I wanted people to validate me to myself. Please tell me that I am like-able. Please tell me I am a good person.
Needing someone to like me to feel good is like needing sardines to bake a cake. Not only is it unnecessary, it’s not going to taste very good in the end.
Now I truly understand that some people just don’t “get” me. They don’t like how I look or feel or act. The shift I made means that I am no longer invested in this energy. I let go of it like I am letting go of a cheap helium balloon from a restaurant that I don’t really like…watching the negativity float away into the sky until it explodes from the pressure of the atmosphere. Pop! goes the judgment.
Those who love me know that I am enough. They know who I really am and what is really going on in my heart. They know my love, my struggle, my passions, my views on the world. They know that I am flawed, that I am human, that I am doing the very best I can to trust my intuition and love deeply in this world. They know I am sensitive, passionate, caring, and on a good day - kinda funny.
The haters gonna hate. I’m happy knowing thatI’m no longer watering down who I truly am in order to make them feel comfortable.
It’s taken 40 years, but like me or don’t.
I’m good either way.