Day Sixteen & Seventeen: The big "ask"

So the past few days have been full of work and travel for me.  Lots of challenges food wise, but I ran the gauntlet like a champ.  Mainly because I am learning to ask for what I need.

I never realized how challenging it is to speak up and ask for what you need in life.  It can be as small as asking for your food to be prepared a certain way, or it can be as large as asking a partner to modify a behavior, or a boss to treat you certain way.  What I find though, is the more you exercise your "asking" muscle, the easier it becomes.  

Being afraid to ask for what I need is a deep rooted fear for me.  Deep inside I a) expect people to know what I need, and then feel betrayed when they are clueless b) am terrified of people saying "no" c) am terrified of people thinking I'm needy or high-maintenance d) worry that I'm not worthy of the ask e) ALL OF THE ABOVE.

That's some heavy shit.  

But as I age, it gets easier to vocalize my desires.  My wants.  My needs.   I'm learning to trust those around me to rise to meet them, and most of the time, when they can - they do.  When they can't, I am realizing that it is not a reflection of my worth. 

It's not always easy, but through this process (remember, it only STARTS with the food) I am learning to be confident in myself and my desires and to trust and love those around me to respect them.